Another long day without Travis here... this deployment gets more & more real everyday.. I guess I love to torture myself, I've been watching army movies all evening & I'm crying like a little baby.. Idk what I'm going to do without him.. I'm not trying to sound bitchy, but I can't help but roll my eyes when I hear another girl say she hasn't seen her man, or he doesn't spend enough time with her, or someone is "depressed" over a break-up.. I'm sorry but I won't have him here for over a year, & I don't have the option to lay in bed & cry about it. I have to pick up & be strong for our family,, & not to mention Candace, she walks around all day saying "dada, dada, dada" it breaks my heart to know how much he's gonna miss. She's gonna have no idea who he is the next time she sees him after he leaves, if she ever WILL see him again,, I have to go to sleep every night knowing that August 11th could be the last time I ever see my husband again. Maybe I'm being dramatic, but these are the thoughts that run through my mind on a daily basis & his deployment hasn't even gotten here yet! I know I'm preachin' to the choir here, I just wish I could cope with these feelings better.. I guess that's why I started this damn thing in the first place; to vent. Well, I'm puttin' it to good use!
I went to the dr today for a check up & she told me she felt my anxiety soon as she walked.. SHE SENSED MY STRESS.. How sad. She prescribed me an anti-depression/anxiety medication. I don't wanna be that person! The one who needs a "happy pill" to carry on with my day! I told her I didn't need it, she said to take it a couple weeks then come back and tell her how I'm feeling.. Until then I'll cross my fingers I keep my sanity...
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